Nerf and Home Defense (Short Story)

It was late on Friday night.

Very late.

Very dark, inside and out.

The sky was clear, and the full moon bathed the empty back yard in a soft, inviting light.

Meanwhile, I was inside, shod in evening robe and bunny slippers, basking in the glow of my small internet communication device. The red, white, and bits of yellow it was emitting lit the room in a light that could only be characterized as a low hanging mist, bringing with it the magical information, knowledge, camaraderie, and Fun one can find online, when they look in the right places.

Aside from that, it was dark. Bits of moonlight leaked in though cracks in the curtains. The light this brought in felt like a soft blanket, warm, comforting, and shielding the home from the outside world.

Part of this shield was the incredible, serene, absolute, silence. The stillness which fell upon the house on this late, late Friday night is indescribable- using words, even written ones, would disrupt it.

I recognized this stillness and started actively listening for sounds. I was only able to pick out one from where I was sitting in the lab- the refrigerator. As soon as I identified this sound, however, it completed it's cycle, and the stillness descended upon it, also.

It was as if the silence of outer space had extended from the high, crystal clear full moon, all the way down to my home here on Earth. I felt the stillness falling on me, also. For a moment, my muscles were entirely still. I then became very aware of exactly how tired I was, and how late it had become.

I gently closed the lid of my internet communication device and considered going to bed-

And there was a noise.

A cat? We have stray cats in the back yard. A raccoon? We have those, also. A previously-stray-cat, named Gizmo? No, she was asleep in my lap.

And there's another noise.

My still, empty, silent back yard- was no longer empty.

I placed my sleeping faithful assistant on top of my comfortably warm closed internet communication device.

I then collected up my always-near-by, highly modified, Nerf Maverick.

My Maverick has no air restrictors. It also has increased springyness, and the entire barrel indexing action is oiled. It's incredibly accurate, it never jams, and it achieves very good distance even when using suction cup darts. On the outside, however, it looks entirely stock.

Maverick in hand, I slipped quietly towards the exit of my lab. From this doorway, I could plainly see the large, sliding glass door, and through it, the moonlit back yard.

I could instantly tell what had disturbed the stillness which had blanketed the house- there was a shadowy figure, at the sliding glass door, attempting to open it!

Therefore I found myself in a very interesting situation. First, there was someone at my back door attempting to open it at a very unusual time. Second, thanks to the lighting, I could see him, but so far he could not see me!

Unaware of my presence, the figure continued, fruitlessly, to operate the bolted slider. In doing so, he continued to disrupt the bubble of stillness, attracting even more attention to himself.

This time it was the aforementioned stray cats coming to investigate, who often get fed at this particular sliding glass door. Fearing that their food source may be in danger, or, perhaps that they were about to get fed at a very peculiar time of day, they approached the shadowy figure and began to howl.

The figure paused his work momentarily . . . to kick one of these feline heros. The deafening, heart wrenching cry she let out as she left the tip of his boot further disturbed the calm- this time alerting the neighbor's dog.

If there was ever a canine version of my Maverick, it would be the neighbor's dog. For fun, this dog hangs, by it's teeth, from a rope hanging from a tree. This dog is no Baby Lulu.

It barked, only once, and that was enough to convince the stray cats to leave. The shadowy figure, quite startled, did stop and look at the beast. Initially, the figure seemed to try and depart- but then he seemed to notice the fence between him and the hound, and therefore had a visible since of relief fall over him.

Some of the quiet had returned. The dog had barked only once, the cats had left, and in the commotion, the figure had stopped his work. In a span of time that was certainly just a moment, the serenity that had existed beforehand returned.

As such, that moment felt much, much longer than it really was- and it was uniquely- and very strangely- intimate, for I had shared it with someone I didn't know. Through all of this, still unknown to the shadowy figure, I was there, watching it all unfold.

The moment came and went, and the figure went back to his work. Determined to get the door open, he pressed his body and face against the glass as he pulled.

Now was the time.

The suction dart left the barrel of the Maverick true and fast, and in an instant later, impacted the glass. Had the glass of the door not saved him, the dart would have affixed itself to the shadowy figure's left eye.

Startled, the figure jumped, and fell backwards, dropping his tool in the process.

The sound of the figure and his metal tool hitting the concrete patio, along with the muffled explicatives stated on the way down, were more than enough to renew the dog's interest in the situation.

The dog took these happenings as his cue to start running, barking, and generally making the ravenous sounds that Hell Hounds make shortly before they dismember you.

At this point the shadowy figure decided it was time to depart. I approached the sliding glass door and turned on the patio light just in time to see the figure vanish.

Shortly thereafter I returned to the lab to find my faithful sidekick, Gizmo, still sleeping on my now less-warm internet communication device. I picked her up and took her to bed. After all, blankets are better to sleep on than plastic.

Slowly, the stillness returned to the house. The refrigerator started it's cooling cycle again. The soft, very quiet drone of it's compressor led me to sleep.

The next morning, I opened the door to find a crowbar left by the figure in his rushed escape. I keep it as a memento of the evening that I defended my house with a Nerf Gun.